Looking Back

If only we knew then what we knew now. If only we could have seen where that choice made us end up. If we could have just said no. If we could have just gone for it. If we could have just kept touch. If we could have just lost touch. If we could have let go sooner. If we could have held on longer. If we could have not let our emotions get the best of us. If only we spoke up. If we had of stayed quite. What would be different. What would have changed. Would would have stayed the same. Who would have stayed who would have left. What truth would have come out. What would have stayed hidden.

Sometimes we relate the people that were around us during that time to the life we used to have. The way things used to be. We think we may miss the person but in reality we only miss the situation. All those things that were around us were great. They were positive. They helped keep life going in the right direction. It was us who got life that way in the first place. That’s a thing we tend to forget. We got ourselves there once. We are capable of getting ourselves there again even if we don’t believe we can. The environment we put ourselves in plays a role in our success.

Many of us look ahead. But only so far. Maybe we look ahead to our next paycheck, but do we look ahead to next year. Looking further than just the season, just this summer, just till college is out. Then what. Do we think things are going to stay the same forever. No. They don’t. Things change all the time and nonstop all around us. Things end and things start. We can’t be wishing it was yesterday. We can’t live in the past. We must live in the life the past set us up to. Because that’s what has us determining our future.

Now we look back. To a “better time”, wondering what we did wrong. But it wasn’t really what we did wrong vs right it was more what we could have done differently. Its not as simple as saying well I wish I had never have bought that expensive TV a month ago, I would have had more money. Well not necessary. A month is a long time. And a lot of things can happen. A lot of different choices could have been made. If you didn’t buy that TV who’s to say you didn’t buy a different one and still spend a lot of money or because you had that extra money you didn’t spend it on something else, you could afford at the time. But you can’t overthink it. Whats done is done.

We don’t have it all figured out now its going to fast. And we think back to exactly when it all started to go wrong. Well its not black and white. It’s more of something that creeps up on you. You don’t usually see it coming. Its once choice that leads to another that eventually leaves you wishing you could have chosen something else. Truth of it all is life gives you the opportunity to change things around it. Not bring them back to where they used to be exactly but to start building your life up again. It’s never too late to start.


From the Ground Up

When you change. People fade away. Few stick around. People abandon you. People leave you in the dust. You’ll see right through people. You’ll figure out who cares. And who was just along for the ride. It is will hurt. A lot. Possibly all at once. But you’ll learn. The hard was. You’ll learn not to rely on other people for your own happiness. Not to give people power over your own life. Like most things in life you don’t learn it by being told the same thing you learn by experiencing it, by breaking down completely. You’ll learn that without failing you never truly know. You’ll find yourself. You’ll respect yourself more. And you’ll love yourself. Some things you must do alone. You need there to be nothing for you to fall back, no options for you other than straight ahead. So sometimes you must be alone, when you don’t want to be alone. Sometimes you don’t want to do what you know is best for you. And sometimes you don’t know what’s best for you. And sometimes you do.


Only as blind as we choose to be

Blinded by fake love, we are only as blind as we choose to be.
“Love is blind and love can be foolish. Our heart doesn’t always love the right people at the right time. Sometimes we hurt the ones that love us most. And sometimes we love the ones that don’t deserve our love at all.”
It knows when to hit. It knows how to test us. It knows what is takes to break us. Then it moves on leaving only evidence that can’t be seen. The eyes are useless when the mind is blind from what they choose to belive.
A connection may seem strong. That it can never be broken but sometime its hard to know how far away from the door you are when it only takes three steps to walk out.
We connect ourselves with people until we ourselves slowly choose who we disappear from. Sometimes they choose for us.
They told her not to give herself up so easily, she replied, “what. My physical being or the ability to have control over my mind, heart and soul. Because one means nothing and the other means everything, yet it is seen so differently.”
-blinded by fake love, If I only knew what I know now.20171220_101918

Just passing through

Call us crazy. A lot of people do. It’s a way to label us upfront so they don’t have to think or even try to understand why we do the things I do. But that’s the key we not trying to get people to understand. We are not trying to pull people in or make them stay. We just give them the option. we give them the opportunity to listen in they want. To open their ears. To open their eyes. To hear. To see. To understand not necessarily accept, the ways but be open to them rather than closed off. They can keep walking. That’s what most people do. But the ones that stop and listen, the ones that stay after the story is told or even let us finish. Those are the special ones. Those are the people that are worth spending time thinking about. Spending time in building a future. Its not that everyone else isn’t worth your time but it’s just knowing that they won’t stay. And there’s nothing you can do to make them stay. Because their choice was made before you even opened your mouth. Based on your appearance. Based on your views. Your choices. Your lifestyle. Things they’ve heard about you before even talking to you or meeting you face to face. And that’s okay, their loss. One day they will know what they missed or maybe they won’t ever know. But that’s not something for you to even worry about. They are just passing in the wind. Every time the wind blows harder and harder you learn how strong you really need to be to still stand tall. “Most people aren’t meant to stay in our life. Most just pass through, to teach us something, to give us an experience that better prepares for what is next to come. To help us stand through the wind and continue forward.” Be the wind that blows us in the right direction. See you on the other side. Or never. Either is fine. Just fine.


Detach your branches

“Someone will love you let me go. Love can grow. That connection can grow. But it can also fade. Fade away. Where its not the same. And it won’t ever be the same. Its not something that can be repaired easily and sometimes it wasn’t meant to be repaired. It was meant to end. I still love you. You still love me but I’m not in love with you anymore. That’s a fine line people say. But that’s just what they say, that’s not necessarily true. Until they experience it themselves their opinion means nothing. If you’ve never gone through it yourself, you don’t know that feeling. That feeling in the pit of your stomach of regret. Of change. Of loss. That feeling that doesn’t seem to ever be filled the same way again. Because it won’t. ”


Not just a paved road

“Home is where you park it. Live the adventure. always moving around. never stuck in one place. Grounded to yourself rather than a location. Ability to pick yourself up and go wherever you want to. Disconnected from the normal life. Embracing the uncertainty of what may com next. Not tied down to anything or anyone. People either join your journey or you say see you later. #RVlife Normality is a paved road. But no flowers grow on it.” –  a Nomad




That’s not love.

Be mindful of those who you invest yourself in, you don’t need someone who doesn’t need you. Why would you spend time on someone that doesn’t truly care about you. They may say they do but it’s easier said then done. Actions speak louder than words. Don’t hold yourself back. Stop trying to be exactly how someone else wants you to be just so they’ll love you. That’s not love. Be who you want to be. Don’t let others control your actions. Don’t wait on them to change their mind. Its not worth it. Move forward.




Where you’ll find me

You’ll find me. Sitting in the corner of the room. Candles burning. Eyes close. Listening. To the sounds. Of nothing. Of peace. Mediating. In peace. Digging deep. Within myself. Searching. Hearts racing. Going deeper. Thoughts. Running wild. Going through my head. Bouncing off the wall trying to find a way to escape. Pushing it down. All the way through the tips of my hands to the floor. And gone. Stress released. Negative energy gone. We chose to let it in and we chose to let it out. Let it out. Then you’ll find me.


“Wake me up”


“Someone pinch me. I am here. I think I am. Not a sense in me is working. I’m frozen. Stuck in replay. Same life repeatedly. Same schedule. Same lifestyle. Same mindset. A mindset saying things needs to change. But. But what. But nothing. The only thing stopping you living the life you want to is yourself. You’re the only one stopping it. The only one that can make it happen. You let people tell you how you should live and what you should do. You feel like you must obey. You must listen but you don’t realize you truly don’t have to. You’re not a puppet on a string. You are in control. Even when it feels like you aren’t. You always are. You always have a choice. Don’t let others make that choice for you. The next time you’ll look up you journey could be over. Your adventure comes to an end. So before then. Wake me up. I can’t feel a thing. My body tingles. There’s a light when I close my eyes. It’s the end. I see it. The end is near. It’s coming closer. But I can’t reach it. I feel like I’ll never reach it. But I know I will. It’s coming. Slowly but surely. One day. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day. It will hit me. It will come at me like a thousand needles. Leaving my body paralyzed. And that’s when. When it will happen. Ill finally feel. Alive. Alive again. When death hits you. It makes you realize what it felt like to be alive. Numb. The sensation lasts less than a second. Then you are lost. Your soul goes into a place we have never seen before. Your body left on earth. Lifeless. As it lays. Pale. Loss of color. Loss of life. Soulless. With nothing left inside. We don’t know where you go from there. But we know wherever you do go it not on earth. It’s not on this planet we call home. That supports life. For who knows how long. We certainly don’t. We enjoy it well it lasts. At least we try to. We don’t know what day we will go. And we don’t know what day we all we go. But we know that day exists. And we deal with the uncertainty of that very day. We push it the backs of our minds. There’s no use in thinking about it. it’s out of our control. There’s no use in trying to change something we couldn’t touch with a ten foot pole even if we tried. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Enjoy it well it lasts. Until the day it’s all taken away leaving you. Who knows where. If at all. Love like it’s your last moment. Live like it’s your last second. Breath your last breath. Leave without regret. Without a doubt that you have fulfilled yourself.”